Could the holistic approach of professional matchmaking be the answer to dating app fatigue?
When Tinder took over college campuses in 2012, it seemed to usher in a dating revolution. It was quickly followed by apps that offered a more thoughtful form of online dating, with questions about passions and promises of serious relationships. Like so many digital disruptions, it would be easy to assume that the apps had pushed out their analog predecessor, matchmaking services.
But with dating app fatigue on the rise, the bespoke service of matchmaking agencies and their holistic approach are coming back into the spotlight. As it turns out, apps could never replace the human-first touch of a professional matchmaker.
Historically, professional matchmaking was an exclusive service for wealthy men, and while such agencies still exist, there’s now a dense market of agencies that cater to every type of dater, from the polyamorous to those looking to date within their particular culture.
“One of the most common misconceptions about matchmaking is that it’s for people who can’t meet someone on their own,” says Amy Van Doran, founder of Modern Love Club. “In fact, a lot of our clients tend to be self-actualising individuals who are looking to be the very best version of themselves, and want a curated experience so that they can meet someone who’s also in that positive mindspace.”
High achievers tend to be the key demographic for matching making agencies, with both their lifestyles and their mindsets making them a perfect candidate for their services.
“Our typical client is a busy professional who has no trouble getting dates, but their time is a commodity,” says Erika Kaplan, VP of Membership for agency Three Day Rule. “In order to be protective of their time, they choose to keep dating as a priority by outsourcing to us.”
As Van Doran points out, understanding and unpacking the mindset of high-achieving, growth-oriented individuals is key—while their focus on self-work makes them an appealing match, those same tendencies can create some roadblocks in the dating process.
“That focus on how they can make things better or optimize tends to be a lens that transfers over into their love life, and that obsession for perfection can make them speed over how they feel and just look at a person’s credentials. My role is to help slow down and be present in the experience. We don’t want to optimize too much—we’re still dealing with humans.”
Each agency has curated their own method for working with clients, but they all share a focus on taking a holistic approach. As part of their process, Three Day Rule has each of its members do a lifestyle photoshoot, both to give the agency great photos to use on their behalf, and to give them a boost of confidence. At Modern Love Club, Van Doran begins the process with an hourlong interview, where the client can communicate who they are and what their goals are.
“Through that I’m trying to work out what’s been holding them back. We want to help get you on that upwards facing track and find someone who’s doing the same, because that’s a match that will make both sides’ lives better.”
Getting someone on that upwards track can involve anything from working on attachment styles to supporting a client on their weight loss journey. Van Doran will even take clients shopping to get them a new wardrobe. Throughout the process, Amy incorporates mindfulness practices to help navigate any social anxieties—which she has found increasingly common post-pandemic. Similarly, Three Day Rule has members work with a date coach to focus on anything that comes up for them.
By taking this holistic approach, these agencies are able to create matches based on shared values, resulting in deeper connections and higher chances of success.
“Many clients are coming to us at a point in their life where they have really found balance and happiness,” says Kaplan. “Their career is in order, they have an exercise routine and often a therapist, they are taking good care of themselves. They want someone who can come to the table with the same sense of self and balance.”
“Wellness has become one of the top values amongst my clients,” Van Doran adds. “ I think people see that if you’re invested in exercise or a wellness routine, it means you respect yourself, and that’s going to carry on into good relationship hygiene.”
For those not ready to commit to the matchmaking process, Van Doran stresses the importance of getting in the right headspace to get the most out of the dating experience.
“It's about being really positive, treating each person like they have something special for you to learn. The more positive you are, the more passionate you are, the more likely you are to attract those types of people back.”