Why support groups may be the answer to some problems with therapy
There’s much to unpack about The Bear, from the toxic family dynamics to the emotional chaos of professional kitchens. Still, a recurring scene may say more about mental health in America today than anything else. When life gets hard — and it always does on The Bear — Carmy heads straight to a humble, fluorescent-lit room, where he spends an hour listening to people who are struggling to come to terms with the ripple effect of alcoholism and addiction.
Al-Anon, a 12-step program for people whose lives have been profoundly affected by someone else’s drinking, has been around almost as long as AA — it was founded by AA’s founder, Bill Wilson’s wife, Lois, to support the friends and families of alcoholics — but in recent years, Al-Anon has increasingly appeared in the pop culture zeitgeist, specifically as a way for younger people to do some self-work.
Scenes of meetings in The Bear are perhaps the most explicit example, but Judd Apatow’s TV series, Love, also explored an Al-Anon plot. There’s also a bite-sized Al-Anon reference in Girls, when Zosia Mamet’s character, Shoshanna, sets new boundaries with her friends in the name of her mental and emotional health. In each of these shows, attending meetings leads a character to address issues long-buried and face their self-destructive tendencies, be that emotional avoidance, obsessive people pleasing, or Carmy’s workaholism.
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Beyond AA and Al-Anon, there are dozens of other 12-step programs dedicated to helping people recover from harmful addictive and behavioral patterns via the support of peers (Adult Children of Alcoholics. Debtors Anonymous. Co-Dependents Anonymous. The list goes on.) And non-12-step group models are also rising in popularity, from local grief groups to Family & Systemic Constellation Work to the National Alliance on Mental Illness Family Support Group.
Might someone discover something about themselves in a group support program that they can’t unlock in one-on-one therapy? According to many therapists, the answer is yes.
A Community-Centered Approach
“Groups offer the experience of bringing people together with shared challenges for healing in a way that individual therapy does not offer,” says Stacy-Colleen Nameth, a licensed clinical social worker based in Los Angeles, who often recommends that her clients attend Al-Anon or another 12-step program in tandem with their therapy work. She argues that the community of a support group can open new doors in someone’s mental health journey, which then benefits the work done in individual therapy.
“In individual therapy, the therapist usually shares little of their own personal life and experiences […whereas in support groups], people can see the process that others go through and feel less alone and unique in a way that brings connection, camaraderie, and fellowship. Groups can provide validation and affirmation of someone’s experiences and feelings and a decrease in loneliness and feeling different than others.”
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An Antidote to Isolation
Support groups also help those who tend toward isolation to avoid turning too far inward during difficult times. A common 12-step slogan is “It works if you work it.” Members are encouraged to take charge of their lives and mental health by “working” their program, which includes showing up to meetings, making outreach calls, and finding a sponsor to support them through each of the 12 steps.
“The programs are effective because they offer a place for people to come together without judgment, finding companionship and connection at a time when they are often ‘hitting their bottom’ in their lives and feel alone and hopeless,” Nameth says. “‘Working a program’ generally means using the tools of the program, such as doing writing and sharing with a sponsor or trusted other, going to meetings, supporting others, finding a spiritual belief (although there are meetings for atheists and agnostics as well) in something bigger than yourself, and being of service to others in order to lessen the focus on the self, and thus evolve as a person.”
The Feeling of Being Seen Without Having to Explain
Support groups also provide a safe space for processing trauma, grief, and more, when someone might not feel safe within their family dynamic or community at large.
“A group setting with others who are experiencing the same emotions can help validate the slow and individual process of healing,” Nameth says. “Some examples: Grief and loss isolate people, and they may receive pressure from others to ‘heal’ in a timely manner. A grief group gives them the time they need. [Likewise,] survivors of sexual abuse, who are often shamed or blamed by others, can heal more when supported by others who are also healing in the group. And victims of racism, homophobia, and transphobia often respond better when in a group of others who have experienced the same hatred or violence, where there is no need to explain racism/homophobia/transphobia to others who haven’t experienced it or who downplay it or blame the victim.”
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Mental Health Support for Everyone
Support groups also offer inclusivity via affordability and accessibility. 12-step programs are self-supporting through voluntary donations of members, and many grief groups are free — a dramatic contrast to the sometimes massive out-of-pocket costs for private therapy.
“Individual therapy is not accessible to everyone due to the pricing — although there are many community clinics and sliding scale practices that are more affordable — and group therapy is less expensive, making it more accessible for many people,” Nameth says. “12-step groups have no fees for membership, thus everyone can afford them. They are also available around the world — in most neighborhoods, countries, and online. I particularly appreciate that there are virtual groups and 12-step meetings so that those who don’t feel safe or don’t have the accessibility to come in person have access to that support as well.”
An Additional Item in a Balanced Toolkit
In the end, Nameth says that everyone can benefit from adding group work in some form to their toolkits. Think of it as a “yes and” opportunity, more than an alternative to working one-on-one with a therapist.
“I believe that individual therapy, group therapy, and 12-step programs all have merit and value,” she says. “And they can be combined to offer more support. Since the pandemic, half of my clients have returned to the office for in-person sessions but half have remained online. I believe in the importance of sitting in a room with someone and sharing space — in feeling the felt sense of being in a safe setting and feeling seen.”
Support groups and 12-step programs are easy to find online by searching the type of group and geographic area. “They have meetings listed by day, time, area, and also often offer specific types of meeting, like a women’s meeting, beginner meeting, or parents’ group,” Nameth says. Other group therapy can be found by calling community agencies. Therapists are also a great resource for recommending group support resources in your area.